Professor Robert J. Thornton of the Economics Department at the Lehigh University notes that job candidates often see reference letters and sometimes sue the writers.  For this reason, he has developed the Lexicon of Inconspicuously Ambiguous Recommendations, or LIAR, to convey unfavorable information in a format that needn’t be construed as negative.  Here are a few examples:

To describe a candidate who is woefully inept:
“I most enthusiastically recommend this candidate with no qualifications whatsoever.”

To describe a candidate who had difficulty getting along with fellow workers:
“I am pleased to say that this candidate is a former colleague of mine.

To describe a candidate with lackluster credentials:
“All in all, I cannot say enough good things about this candidate or recommend him too highly.”
 
To describe a candidate who is not particularly industrious:
“In my opinion you will be very fortunate to get this person to work for you.”
 
To describe a candidate who is so unproductive that the position would be better left unfilled:
“I can assure you that no person would be better for this job.”

To describe a candidate who is not worth further consideration:
“I would urge you to waste no time in making this candidate an offer of employment.”

A visiting professor at the University of Alabama is giving a seminar on the supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asks:

"How many people here believe in ghosts?" About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well that's a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts, do any of you think you've ever seen a ghost?" About 40 students raise their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyonehere ever talked to a ghost?" 15 students raise their hands.

"That's a great response. Has anyone here ever touched a ghost?" 3 students raise their hands.

"That's fantastic. But let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love to a ghost?"

One student in the back raises his hand. The professor is astonished. He takes off glasses, takes a step back, and says,

"Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever claimed to have slept with a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell us about your experience."

The redneck student (remember, this is Alabama) replies with a nod and begins to make his way up to the podium.

The professor says, "Well, tell us what it's like to have sex with a Ghost."

The student replies, "Ghost?!? I thought you said `goats`."